Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
