I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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