Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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