No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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