so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Never underestimate the power of titties
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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