Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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