You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
