And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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