Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
