he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
