I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
