make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
