im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
