I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
