Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
