the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
