youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
