You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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