I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
