Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
