I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
