How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
