had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
