wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I came so hard my ears popped.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
