I have demons in me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
