My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
