I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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