I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
