I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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