if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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