A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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