oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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