I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize