The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
