i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
