How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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