Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
