I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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