i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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