if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
