i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
