NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
