this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize