Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
