I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
