i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
