fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
