I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
