i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
