Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
