I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
