i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
