So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
