Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you had me at cake vodka
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize