A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
