I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
