There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
