there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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