Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize