My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
