Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
