you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
