Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
