i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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