He had one of those small greek statue penises
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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