When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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