I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
