Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
