i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
