How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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